Most people, when faced with a chronic illness want to stay as far away from acceptance of the situation as possible. It's like bracing yourself as you fly down a ski slope knowing you're getting ready to crash and burn, instead of allowing yourself to fall into it. The injuries are far greater when your body is tensed up. Same is true for an illness. We figure if we kick and scream, do the complete opposite of what we're suppose to do in order to manage it, it will miraculously disappear. We're quick to question or accuse God for allowing it to happen, for after all, we are basically good and mean well in this life. Why would we have to bother with an illness, that will makes us different in some way.........not normal any longer?
I had to journal for over 10 years before I finally understood that the best thing I could do for myself was to practice acceptance. Does that mean I gave into it? No. It means I stopped the neverending need to question why I was sick, and there were actually ways in which I could be stronger and better, more so emotionally instead of physically. Even if you don't consider yourself particularly spiritual, it doesn't mean that you can't seek the larger picture in the meaning behind your illness. Yes......you can say there is no need to answer that question, but it was just impossible for me to think that there wasn't some deeper meaning to my situation.
I found myself actually beginning to dialogue with my illness. If God were in fact trying to tell me something, by allowing this illness, I wanted to know what it was.....and it usually came down to the acceptance that bad things happen to good people. That the world has been designed for all of us not to neccessarily breeze through our life with no problems......but to teach us strength, courage and perseverance in the midst of our suffering. For many years once my illness began to really take hold of my life, I didn't understand that concept at all.......and more importantly, didn't feel that I could accept that concept at all. It felt too much like someone had the control, and I had none. I didn't like that feeling at all.
But as time passed, I understood that it would serve no purpose for me to be angry and play the victim. I would soon have to learn to actually do something with my illness. Of course being limited physically, and exhausted most of the time, it was very hard for me to try and find a way in which to use my limitations.
Acceptance doesn't mean you have to give up.......it only means that you are choosing to let go of the struggle to control the situation. I could very easily sit around all day and feel sorry for myself, watching the rest of the world go by with work, play and lead a seemingly normal life. Or, I could find a way to be grateful for what was left in my life that I could enjoy. Which turned out to be an overwhelming number of things actually. It's hard work, and it's a daily choice of whether I want to ball up and be miserable, or to sit up and take notice of how my illness can be very valuable to me and to others.
I'll share more about acceptance later, but for now take a moment to sit with that word and what it truly means.
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