Sounds like a contradiction in terms, right? How can you use the words embrace and pain in the same sentence? Why in the world would anyone even attempt to use that phrase? I was that person years ago when I first hear the term, and though it took several years to find the true meaning behind it, it was well worth the effort. When I talk about pain and suffering, I used to be referring to physical pain and suffering caused by not only auto immune diseases, but any kind of disease or chronic illness. But, I've also learned that pain is pain, and suffering is suffering, doesn't matter the reason. Bottom line is you feel like something has wrestled you to the ground and stomped on your body repeatly, until you're left in a heap to die. At least thats what my body feels like most of the time.... and whether its genetic, you've been in an accident, a disease has decided to take residence in your body, or you've suffered emotional trauma of some kind, again......pain is still pain. Something that you will find yourself running from, getting angry with, or giving into because it's so devestating.
So with all this being said, how in the world or rather why in the world would you want to learn to embrace it, when obviously it's a BAD thing and pretty much ruins any hope of living a normal and happy life? How can you befriend this thing that daily wears you down and steals precious moments throughout the day, when your main goal is to question, "why me." It seems you can either get angry with the pain, and let it control your life, or you can create a diaglogue to understand what it wants from you.
Sounds like a relationship, right? Well, thats basically what it is really. If you can't make sense out of the situation, and fighting it or becoming a victim only makes things worse, then something has to change, and since the pain and suffering is not changing, guess who is left? You....because you can't control the pain by ignoring it, giving into it, or getting angry with it. You can surely try, but its not all that effective, and honestly ends up wearing you down even more in the process. Who wants to live like that?
Wonder what would happen if we took the word "why" out of our vocabulary? Not completely, but just when talking about the pain issue. And I'm talking about the "why me", instead of generally knowing what has caused the pain in the first place. Now if we're talking about an unclear diagnosis, it makes the situation even more difficult to deal with, and even more reason to ask "why". However, I was not diagnosed for over 10 years, and was still able to befriend my suffering, so hope is not completely lost here.
For me, I had to think of my illness as an intruder, who was determined to steal something they needed from me. Picture a real intruder breaking in your door. You will either try to fight back, run because you're scared to death, stand still and let them do whatever, or look them in the eye and try to befriend them. Most of us, if we want to be honest, would be inclined to run the other way.....very quickly. We're either too weak to fight, overcome by fear, or feel we can outrun them. The only way anyone can even attempt to befriend an intruder is to change something within themselves. The intruder we see as bad, because they want to steal something or harm us, but there could be another reason why they has decided to break in. So the question becomes what instead of why.
So what does my illness want from me, because I will never realize why. How can I get to the point where I can actually sit down with this intruder and understand what it needs from me? I can ask it questions, but I cannot ask it why.....those are the rules. What are you looking for inside my body..... what do you need from me.......what can I see differently that will help you get what you need, instead of focusing on why this is happening to me? And more importantly, how can I realize that what it needs is not to destroy me, but in fact to save me?
