Through my own experience,"no" has been one of the most difficult words in the english language to use.......and I have to ask myself "why"? You would think such a small word wouldn't have much meaning, but for me it's one of the most important words there is, most often contrary to what most people believe. Yes seems a much more pleasant word......it even rolls off the tongue easier than no. Try it and you'll see how your mouth draws up in almost a smile, while the no points downward with lips pursed. Feels mean when you say it outloud.
I think a lot has to do with when you use the word no. After all, said to a child, it could save their life, but to someone getting ready to propose and hoping for a yes, but instead gets a no.......its not so good. So in other words, there is a time and place for nos no matter the reason. This particular "no" that I'm referring to has to do with taking care of self. You would think if someone wanted to discuss ways in which to take better care of self, the only word to use would be yes. After all....doesn't yes open the doors to possibilities, doesn't yes mean you are open to the world and all it has to offer? Isn't it a more positive word instead of negative?
Yes to all of those questions, but again.....I want to focus on how the word "no" will save those of us who are sick, precious time and energy and ultimately bring peace and joy to a world that is most often overwhelmed with pain and suffering. We are all used to participating in life which requires a certain amount of activity, and whether you've always been limited and unable to move about freely, or whether you had a "normal" life and then had it interrupted by an illness, it takes an enormous amount of courage to be ok with just sitting and watching the world go by. I don't think that any of us enjoy a sedentary lifestyle....for God made our bodies to move about in order to work properly. But, when you have no other choice, and in order to savor those precious moments that you might be able to function properly, there has to be a point where you decide the things in life that are worth your energy and strength, and the things that are not.
Yes....now we get down to the positive meaning of "no". The no that implies self love and self care. The "no" that protects that most precious part of who you are and your place in this life. The "no" that draws a line in the sand to whomever and whatever threatens your ability to experience the priorities that you've set up in your life. This "no" you have full ownership of and can use it whenever you feel it appropriate or life saving. Just think..... a valid license that allows you to say "no" whenever you have the notion or need, and it can be said to anyone at anytime.
Now unfortunately, I haven't figured out a way to incorporate this into a legitimate working system for society as a whole.......nor even designed a carrying card or name tag that would give you permission at anytime......but I can surely help you understand how important it is and how it can change your life......or more importantly save your life. Just take into consideration that this is not about giving yourself permission to be angry, belligerent or abusive to others, or to always get your way in life. It's all about taking care of self and conserving energy so you can enjoy those precious moments that are left in your life to enjoy.
A "no" can be expressed in many ways, and even as well intended as it might be or seem to you, might not be well received by the person you're saying no to. As I said before, the word "no" can conjure up conflicting emotions, so just know, going in, that sometimes it takes guts to say the word. Anyone, sick or well, doesn't like to say no to life and all it has to offer, but again, when you, for whatever reason, have had your ability to physically or emotionally navigate around this world compromised, you have to eventually find acceptance and then decide for yourself those things you need to keep, or are worth your energy, and those things you need to let go of, or say no to. I know......all hard stuff to contemplate or incorporate into your life, but I know for a fact that it will make a huge difference in finding much needed peace and joy in your life.
In reading this, you have probably already been able to see where you need to draw lines in your daily life. You can already see where you spend precious energy and strength that you'd rather use in other ways or know in your heart that you need to use in other ways. This all requires not only a recognition of how time and energy is spent, but most often a time of grieving for things that you used to be able to do, but sadly have to give up. This will involve a time of adjustment for not only you, but for those around you that you have to say no to, and also a source of concern learning to say no in order to take care of self could mean stepping away from people that don't understand the changes you're trying to make in your life to make it more managable.
Just keep in mind, people as a whole don't like change because it requires something of us. It requires us to stop and truly look at our lives and how we want to spend our time here. And if you are suffering physically or emotionally, time is of the essence and is considered a precious commodity. We start to realize that for whatever reason we are limited.....and with those limitations comes limitations of our time. Hopefully after a while, and maybe a heartfelt discussion with your loved ones about what you need to say no to, you can begin to enjoy what energy and strength you have left. This will empower you, make you feel like you have more control over your own life, and allow you to experience a new level of acceptance, peace and joy in your life.
Remember....this is your life, and the sooner you realize only you can make the changes needed in order to cope with its struggles, frustrations, and disappointments, the sooner you can experience the positive side of a "no".
