Having been chronically ill for over 20 years, it would seem easy for me to design a carefully laid out plan to help those who suffer from an auto immune disease, hoping they would not go through the pain and heartache that I have in finding ways in which to cope. But as we all know, life is not that easy whether we're sick or well. I can only wish that if I had been more aware of myself, my surroundings and a more understanding view of why people get sick, then the journey I've taken would not have had so many bumps in the road. But as we all know, lessons are learned, the hard way, the simple way, so there's no point in wishing it could have been different or beating myself up about it.......it just is.
It's interesting though how we choose be in this world, again either sick or well, most of the time not even realizing the true meaning of awareness. I do believe I had an advantage in the awareness department early on, even though I wasn't able to put it fully into practice until years later. Again.....this is ok. It's like learning to ride a bike as a child, but the older you get, the more often the bike is hidden behind the gardening tools in the garage because you did not learn along the way how beneficial riding the bike could be. As a child it got us to the soda shop, the park or to our friends house......as an adult, it could mean the difference between being overweight and high blood pressure, to being fit and able to live a normal, healthy lifestyle.
I knew that I was a sensitive type. Petite, short and one likely to suffer if pushed physically.....but still continue to push the envelope with atheletic activities like running, biking, snow skiing and tennis. Not knowing at the time each time I fell or overdid it....I was putting stress on my body. For after all, I was young and wanted to experience life and loved being in shape.....so there was no need to stop. And honestly, I believe a part of that has kept me from being in the worst shape possible even with my physical limitations. I learned early on the eat and rest properly. However, I was not good about being aware of what my body was trying to tell me, neither physically or emotionally. It was all too easy to ignore signs and symptoms at that point. After all, I had a husband and two children to take care of and no time to be sick.
The symptoms showed up when my children were very young, and there was still so much to do in taking care of them.....there was little time to take care of me. And that's ok for I would not trade that time for anything in the world.....sick or well. I was so lucky that my husband had a job that allowed me to be a stay at home mom. None of that I regret. So I decided I would save all my symptoms for a rainy day. One day when the kids were older and left home, where they didn't have to be around a sick mom. But.....I couldn't keep it in as long as I would have liked.
After finally collapsing into a heap, I could no longer hide or ignore my illness. Thats where my journey of awareness began. Thinking that I would have a completely different life than I do now, I had to reinvent myself from the ground up.......which if I had it to do over again......wouldn't have changed a thing. Seems odd I'm sure coming from a person who has been living a not so normal lifestyle......but it shows what a mega dose of awareness can do for those of us who wake up each day to an illness that if we allowed it, would completely consume us.
The journey continues...........
