The List

If you've ever spent any time in a therapist's office, or been diagnosed with a chronic illness, you may already be aware of "the list". This list is completely different than a grocery list, where you remind yourself of what to put in your cart. I'm referring to a list where you check things off that you no longer want to push around in your cart. One would seem more productive, and may end up as a delicious meal at the close of the day, but the other involves a conscious decision of what is best for you long term. These things or people in your cart have been there for a long time and either bring you joy and happiness, or bring you grief and frustration. So one would think if there is nothing good about them being in your cart, you would have the good sense to take them out...right?

Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. Someone can suggest that you make a list of things in your life that cause you stress anxiety, and then hopefully suggest a way in which to eliminate them from the list, but sometimes it takes a long time to realize which is good for you and which is not so good....or what you hang onto because of habit or because it enables you to stay stuck where you are. Letting go of unhealthy behaviors and unhealthy people in your life is one of the hardest things to do in this life, but if it's a choice between what's best for you and how best to cope with your illness, and dealing with people and situations that cause stress as opposed to providing a comfortable place to fall when you're suffering physically, then it may be time to see the list as something mandatory instead of optional.

The list is something only you can make yourself, no one can do this for you, as it takes a lot of painstaking work on your part. I suggest much needed quiet and alone time in which to do this, making sure you analyze not only why this particular thing or person is on your list, but why it's so difficult for you to check it off. You might wonder, how hard can it be to come up with a list, check things off and get on with it.....but once you sit down and begin, you'll realize it's not as easy as you thought. Letting go of "stuff" in your life can be painful, sad, and honestly down right scary. After all, most of these things have been there for a long time, good or bad, and could be a challenge to let go of. It's helpful to know or realize right up front that it's going to take much needed patience and kindness to self in order to be successful at this.

Once the list is made, reality sets in and a grieving process may take place because you have begun to be honest with yourself about how much energy it actually takes for you to carry these things around any longer. You realize a choice has to be made, and no one can make it for you. When you actually see your list, and allow yourself the power to check them off, you will experience everything from joy and jubilation, to sadness and heartache. This is ok. You may even decide to put one or two back on the list because it's too painful.....again....this is ok. You may through careful contemplation be able to find a way in which to keep certain items on list list unchecked.......but usually whatever came to you at the first notion, is valid.

Everyone has a list. If you don't think you do, sit down for 10 minutes and think about it and I'm sure you'll change your mind. Being chronically ill takes an enormous amount of energy each day. In fact, it is your job in this life, and once you've been sick for a long time, you'll do whatever it takes to alleviate the effects of whatever your particular illness brings each day, even if it involves letting go of people or things in your life that only take away instead of offering a healing balm.