"On the Edge"

Are you hiding a secret...... a secret that is so well hidden that your friends and family, nor your peers are privy to? Well, whether the outside world knows or not, it takes an enormous amount of energy to keep stuff hidden,especially emotional issues. We walk around with what we think is a convincing disguise, one that appears to be happy, content, and on top of things. All the while, on the inside, we are suffering cruelly, and whether it's physical or emotional pain, it beats us down until we wonder if we can get through another day.

The word secret, to me, is not a good word. It implies dishonesty and trickery. It implies a craft or the ability to cover up something, though I do understand there are levels of secrecy, and quite often why people choose to keep them. I would like to focus on something I would call non-senister secrets. For I'm not talking about trying to hide a body, a mistress, or having stolen something. I'm talking about things like fear, anxiety, worry, sadness, brokeness, or depression. These are the things that you can most often cover up if you stay busy enough, or if you have enough energy to put on a smile for a short period of time.....at least long enough to fool those around you into believing you are just fine.

This is so easy to do, for I have done it myself, quite often in fact. So I am totally sympathetic to those who feel the need to keep their "stuff" to themselves. Sometimes life is just so overwhelming you can't even put into words what you're feeling. You get on the merry-go-round of life, trying to keep up, and by the end of the day, you wonder why you felt like you had to participate in half the stuff you did. You're exhausted, overwhelmed, feel like nothing really good was accomplished that day, and wonder if some changes need to be made. You wonder if maybe you need to stand on a pedestal in the middle of downtown and announce......."This is it. I really don't like my life the way it is, and only I can make the changes that are needed. I'm tired of saying yes when I need to say no....I'm tired of struggling with something that I really don't need to struggle with.....I'm tired of living a life that I really had no part in setting up.......I'm tired of living a life that suits those around me, but not what is right for me.........put simply.......I'm tired."

Now I'm sorry, but I know at least 50 people who need to do just that...including myself. You see where the secrecy comes into play? You walk around in disguise, playing the game.....but it's usually someone else's game. You had nothing to do with the name of the game, the rules....and it's sure guaranteed that you won't win anything. We end up doing things because it "looks right" or "feels right", or satisfies someone else's expectations, not because it's the best thing for us.

So the secret is kept hidden. Whether you stand under the umbrella of all that I mentioned.....or just one....doesn't matter. You have decided for whatever reason that it's easier for you to live a lie than to live in truth or to strive to be authentic in the way you live your life. And so there goes your life....full speed ahead in a direction that you had nothing to do with, because you just couldn't stand up and say........."Can anyone see that I'm on the edge?"